''You see doctor, God didn't kill that little girl. Fate didn't butcher her, and destiny didn't feed her to those dogs. If God saw what any of us did, he didn't seem to mind. God doesn't make the world this way. We do.''
Today I called an old friend of mine and went outside to have a nice cup of coffee. Too much stress is bad for my health, and with the cloudy weather leaving it's place for the sun to fit in, it was a nice opportunity.
Amongst the staff we discussed, was the situation in Syria. Having a few relatives there he knew first hand the situation. Even though I've seen some of the footage online, and I was already shocked of the atrocities taking place, I could never believe that they would take it to that level. Their army broke into houses and executed infants under the excuse that they were kin and offspring of the rebels.
I could never imagine that even though we live in a rather advanced age, we would bring back biblical tyrants. Even in a war, their is morality, there should be. Instead our species is calling genocide 'collateral damage'.
Killing in the name of idealism, you should be expecting to be killed in the name of the opposition. By oppressing the mass, you should be expecting a violent eruption. Control is an illusion, and the only way to escape this illusion, is lose it.
''And of course our cause is righteous! This is a war, sister, and in a war, every side is fighting for a righteous cause..''
I woke up in the middle of the night again having one of these hideous nightmares, where you realize you are asleep but no matter what you can't wake up. It's funny how when I am at this state I always dream of been hunted and tortured and all kind of soul consuming things instead of having nice wet dream.
Anyway, with my heart beating it's way out of my chest and my eyes still seeing monsters there is no way of getting back to sleep. So I get dressed grab my pack of smokes and a beer from the fridge and go down to the streets to have a nice late midnight walk.
I drunk my beer on my way downtown, and bought another one from a liquer store since I got there. I find a nice bench and take a sit there. I take out a cigarrette. A tiny voice whispers in my head that it's bad for my health. I look around and take a deep breath. The tear gas the police sprayed all over the place to disperce the protestors make it's way deep into my lungs filling them with it's toxic. I light the cigarrette anyway.
On the bench next to mine is a homeless man sleeping. He has a newspaper on him, as if a piece of paper can protect a man from the wind. Even from this distance I can read the huge headline letters: ''Leftists taking over Europe!''
I don't know if I have to laugh or if I have to cry reading this. Four and a half billion years of evolution leading to a species so desparate to find a group to fit in that will gladly embrace the label of marxist or neonazi or capitalist and so on. So misarable we are that we are accepting a small number of people manipulating us using emotional blackmail, that is targeting either on our need for equality, or on our national conciouness.
People say that money talks. That is not true. Money dooes no talk. Money screams. And it screams with a voice so deafening and frightful that makes entire populations hide back into their houses, not doing anything about their dreams, brainwashing them that there is no other way. Without it we wouldn't work, we wouldn't eat, we wouldn't live.
With one cigarrette left and my eyes tingling out of the venomous city air and of exhaustion I return to my appartment. My bed seems like sweet redemption as I fall onto it. I fall asleep hoping that the monsters will not come for me twice in the same night..
''We learned to cope.. We learned to recognize the danger of the endless envy of those who are not blessed.. We, and our wild obsession!!''
Her kiss is like a breath of life bringing me back from the dead. Her wet lips are moving away from mine and get down on my neck. My senses are going crazy, both sharpened and dull. Her perfume is making it's way towards me. It's tangling me, claiming as it's own, taking me for prisoner.
Her hands are holding the back of my head as she keeps pushing my lips against me. I unbutton my shirt slowly so she can watch. She can't resist putting her hand on my my chest, feeling my heartbeat setting it's own pace like a runaway train.
I get closer and whisper all the staff I wanna do to her, how I am gonna do them, and how good it will feel. Her eyes sparkling, looking directly into mine, it's like I can read her mind through them, all the frames of the nasty and dirty game we are about to play.
Our bodies are sweaty, out of breath and our minds out of this place, living the moment as if the world is about to end, and don't care about the consequences. Our voices speak now no tongue, just moans and words that only the two of us can understand, composing a lovely song solely for our entairtainment..
As I see her sleep and notice these perfect breasts of hers moving up and down as she breaths, bringing a huge smile to my face. The world will not end, but even if it does, I know I will go smiling just thinking of the life we shared, embracing the sun.
They offered me another glass of wine. Although they seem a bit friendly I can't let myself go completely. Their attention is all focused on us. They keep asking us about our lives, our devotion.
The look in their eyes is telling me that they look down on us. I answer their questions, not trying to hide anything - nothing there to hide really, but also trying to avoid verbal traps.
I take a look at the fire that keeps us warm. So quite, yet so powerful, ready to devour all those who don't respect her strenght, but there to protect those who will feed her.
''And so, what do you do, when you have to act? When you ''charge'' towards your enemies? Is there any prayer or a warcry?..''
I took a sip of wine and looked at his face. He had his stare fixed on me, preying on what I will say. I answered anyway..
''I think of her.. Her long black hair, her soft skin.. Her scent touching gently my lips. I call her name loud, so my enemies would know I have something to protect, that I would take this to the edge..''
''I thought knights were godfearing men..'' he said smiling.. ''Isn't it a blasphemy to call upon a human than to a higher and divine power?''
It's a hard thing to describe a feeling to the insensitive. It's like having a disability. Emotionally blind people, turning their envy into hate and trying to make us look like fools.
''Lies... This loud, clumsy, stupid thing -- this is the weapon of the enemy. ...We will not use it.''
Theother day I was out for a cup of coffee and on my way home I found a book on the bus stop. Noone was around so I guessed that someone caught the bus and left it behind. I took a look at it, it was an elementary book for writing essays, this one was focused on interpertation of key terms, how and when we use them. It was quite interesting. Well to be honest, there was a spefic term that it really caught my attention.
popularism: - the existance of simplifying partitionist discrimination, deifying the black-and-white logic
- the view of the people as incorruptible, inpeccable, innocent and uninvolved in any wrong desisions and failures
-the existance of a gifted leader
Well, that sure rings a bell. With the awful financial state we currently are, and the elections coming on in a few days, all I see is people blaming everyone but themselves for our misery, waiting to idolize our new savior, our new hero who will bring the days of prosperity back, and make it all like the way they were.
That's not how it works and I hope people will get to know it before it's too late - as if it already isn't. We took it to the point of no return, misleading our own selves. Life is not a fairytale. There is no white knight in a shining armor coming to save us. Everyone is busy trying to find the someone who will do something different, not knowing that someone is noone but ourselves.
I've always wondered, if there weren't the media to manipulate the mob's thoughts, what would they think of? Would anyone be brave? Or even more mislead? Knowning only everything what the media provides us, we only get a tiny part of the picture. It seems that our world is a lot like Skynet. The system spreads to the whole planet, it's learning from it's mistakes and it's evolving constantly. Even if the evolution of one species means the exctinction of another.
''Their morals, their "code"... it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these "civilized people", they'll eat each other.''
The other day I went to my parents' house to pay them a visit. It's been a while since the last time I saw them. My father was at work again so I hang out just with my mother. She told me that earlier that day an old man, almost 80 years old, commited suicide at the town's central plaza. He was motivated by the awful financial situation the goverment brought him due to the extreme measurements they took to repay the country's debts. In his suicidal note he wrote that he didn't want to feed himself of the trash.
I was pretty shocked by this end of course I was not the only one. The next morning the media, necrophilic as always, they fed on his death, idolizing him and making him a martyr. Although, not everyone held the same perspective. Some people believe that this was pretty disgusting and shameful act, doing it in public.
Well, I don't believe he was disgraced, but he was not a hero either. This has to be something else. He wasn't a thirty year-old drug-addicted rockstar, he was a family man in his old age living on his pension. It was something like scorpions do. When they are surrounded by their enemies and there is no escape, they would rather sting their own body than to be eaten alive. I guess, this is something like that. Making full use of your free will. Dying on your feet than living on your knees.
But they got it wrong. It's living on your feet than dying on your knees...
