Sunday, March 11, 2012

Welcome to our execution

''He made wings out of wax so he could fly.. but when he got too close to the sun... to God... the wax melted and he crashed to the ground.''

 Today the sirens of the ambulance woke me up early. It has been a car accident right infront of my house, one of these small trucks hit a guy on a motorcycle. The neighbours told me that the man's heart had stopped for several minutes, but the paramedics managed to revive him even though they were on the street. They said while they were putting him inside the ambulance he kept talking, like most people who had near-death expiriences, for a bright light, a melody, enlightened figures everywhere.

 Of course I know that this is not a proof for god's existance nor one of his signs. Science found out that when we are at our final moments, our body excretes a hallucinogenic substance called DMT, the same that uses when we see dreams.

 I feel really bad knowing that. It's not that I am the religious kind of person,in fact, I am in favor of scientific progress and I believe that even the slightest of knowledge brings us closer to understanding the universe, but if you take the soul away from us, what is left to believe in?

 Deep inside I have the need to believe in something great, in something big, in something that isn't produced in testing tubes and laboratories. I need to believe in something that has iron morals, and is timeless, proud and invulnerable. Sometimes I catch myself being jealous of the ancient Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, the Norse. They were told since the day they were born that they were made in the image and likeness of their gods, wise and brave.

 We, instead, grew up deifying anything related to money and status. All progress that has been made in the last hudred years was in the name of trade and fame.The void we have has made us suicidal, consuming all this alcohol and drugs, and isolated, with no deep and real human relationships.

 But I want to believe, even though I know there exist no giant snake wrapped around the earth, no titan holding the sky and no light at the end of the tunnel. I will still look at the stars and the moon and recall all the myths surrounding their beauty, I will still take a moment to catch my breath by the sea to enjoy it's freshness, and above all, I will still look inside the eyes of the people I love and care about, and I will know that this feeling is not just a chemical reaction, but ,indeed, something divine.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Goodbye Halcyon days

''Left are the kings of the Carnival Creation, carring out the echoes of the fallen.''

 Last night I couldn'n sleep again. Dammit, I hate it when this happens, my body feeling so exhausted and tired, but my mind still in haste. I get off my bed, I just want to get outside. I get close to the window but I can tell from the sounds that it's raining heavily. Well, it's not raining, it's a hailstorm.

 ''Fuck that shit, if I stay in for another minute I will propably lose my mind''

 Talking to myself was always a sign of me going downhill. I wear the warmest clothes I have, I put lots of whiskey in a flask, wear a raincoat -implying it will do any good- and take of.

 As soon I got out I drunk a huge sup of whiskey. The wind is blowing as hell and I try to take shelter in my own clothes.  When I finally reached the metro station the booze was already over and my mind was taking me places.

  I've reached downtown in a blink of an eye. Riots took place the day before so the streets are still in ruins. The walls are written all over with all kinds of anti-political quotes, ''eat the rich'', ''state kills'', ''freedom isn't free'' and a lot simiral words inspiring conflict. In fact, politics were never good. It's just that we are used to live in comfort and it's hard to accept change and to adapt to the new status.

 I saw a couple holding each other's hand tight trying to catch a bus.  This scene got me really emotional and sad. I found a place to keep me away from the storm and light a smoke. Too bad there is no more whiskey. I took a look at my cellphone. Out of reach. I didn't expect to get a signal in this kind of weather.

 When I finished my cigarette I got back home. My body couldn't take it any more so I fell asleep, but my mind was still in haste, running hand to hand with her, trying to catch a bus.