Today I had lunch with this co-worker of mine. It gets somehow annoying when you get in touch with a person only at a certain place, so thats how I said what the hell, still better than coffee at the office.
These kind of lounge coffee bistro restaurant combining serving hot drinks and medium quality food overpriced really get on my nerves, for they have managed to make people believe they are classy. Anyhow, I orderer an ice-cold beer and a steak, the perfect combination. She had white wine with pasta, typical girl.
When we were done she offered me a smoke, but I refused for I am trying to quit. She started talking to me about how she broke up with her boyfriend. They had a relationship for a year or so and they seemed to be in love, but then she cheated on him.
''You know'', she was saying, ''it's not like I regret doing it with that guy in the club, it's just I still wanna be with Mike. He still loves me you know, and so am I..''
That words of her made me furious. How can you be in love with someone and do something like that?
''Our relationship was too good, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like I want to destroy something beautiful, and that moment I did.''
I took a cigarrette from her pack of smokes and fired it up. That feeling god damn it. I have it on many things. From things on my work, clothes, even in this store. Will I be eventually like her? Will I put my ego above anything else around me and offer nothing but bitter emotions? I believe that people should always follow their heart, but what if their heart tells them something like that, to cheat on someone, or to start a random fight?
The smoke I inhale takes me even deeper inside myself, makes me wonder what I want to do and what I should do, if there is right and wrong. I guess the change comes from within.
Once we were done I paid the bill and went home. I take a look at the pictures on the wall, then in the mirror. That's me alright. Still fighting, still trying, not to let anyone down.